Monday, June 29, 2009

I <3 Carrie Underwood

Did you check the tires?
Put gas in the car?
Don't think you need to much, 'cause you ain't gonna get that far...

Did you pack the good times?
Don't forget a map,
Just incase the route you take isn't there to take you back.

You can hold any girl that you like.
Fall in love when it's easy at night.
But, you'll wake up wondering why she ain't ever something better...
When you're lost and run out of road
Follow what I already know
In the end closer's all there is
But you won't find this

There's once in a lifetime,
And there's once in a while.
And the difference between the two is about a million miles
Oh, you might get lucky while the moon is looking up
But in the truth of the morning, the stars will be long gone

You can hold any girl that you like
Fall in love when it's easy at night
But, you'll wake up wondering why she ain't ever something better
When you're lost and run out of road
Follow what I already know
In the end closer's all there is
Oh, in the end it's me you're going to miss
'Cause you won't find thisOh, you won't find this

Quote of the Day

Four things you can't recover: The stone, after its thrown. The word, after its said. The occasion, after its missed. The time, after its gone. - Unknown

The Greater Good

Fate is a misconseption, it's only a cover-up for the fact you don't have control over your own life.
Love is knowing someone who has locks that fit our keys, and keys to fit our locks. When we feel safe enough to open the locks, our truest selves step out and we can be completely and honestly be who we are; we can be loved for who we are and not for who we’re pretending to be. Each unveils the best part of the other. No matter what else goes wrong around us, with that one person we’re safe in our own paradise. They are someone who shares our deepest longings, our sense of direction. When you're two balloons, and together your direction is up, chances are you’ve found the right person. Love is being with someone who makes life come to life.
The most important thing in life is to learn how to give out love, and to let it come in. I don't pretend to know what love is for everyone, but I can tell you what it is for me; love is knowing all about someone, and still wanting to be with them more than any other person. Love is trusting them enough to tell them everything about yourself, including the things you might be ashamed of. Love is feeling comfortable and safe with someone, but still getting weak knees when they walk into a room and smile at you.
Love is just another word until someone comes along and gives it meaning. You can close your eyes to the things you do not want to see, but you cannot close your heart to the things you do not want to feel. You can spend your whole life running and running, trying to be something that has never really been you. And all you've done is go farther and farther away from what was really home. Don't love someone because they love you - love them because you do.
You can't make someone love you, no more than you can make yourself love someone. It is what it is.
If you have love in your life it can make up for a great many things you lack. If you don't have it, no matter what else there is, it's not enough. No about of excuses, alcohol, lies, etc can change that. Tell me the type of person who loves you, and I'll show you the type of person you are. Friendship marks a life even more deeply than love. Love risks degenerating into obsession, friendship is never anything but sharing. It is not a lack of love, but a lack of friendship that makes unhappy marriages.
Your body needs to be held and to hold, to be touched and to touch. None of these needs is to be despised, denied, or repressed. But you have to keep searching for your body's deeper need, the need for genuine love. Every time you are able to go beyond the world's superficial lables for love, you are bringing your body home.
Love does not die easily. It is a living thing. It thrives in the face of all of life's hazards, except one -- neglect. In romantic love you want the other person. In real love you want the other person's good. Love is a condition in which the happiness of another person is essential to your own. Let yourself be drawn by the stronger pull of what you really love.

77 Things About Me

1. Once you truly believe in yourself anything in life is possible and attainable. I am at that point right now. Everything that used to be confusing now makes sense.
2. I don't mind if you judge me because of my Facebook/Google/Blog page. It actually just makes my job of realizing I don't want to be friends with you that much easier.
3. I saw my first hero at 8, and I knew what I wanted to do for the rest of my life at that point. It just took me time to see it.
4. I can always find something better to do with my free time than television.
5. Astrology isn’t real, it’s another thing made up to give people something to have faith and hope in besides reality. Which is fine and I won’t judge you if you want to have hope in a fairy tale, just don’t expect me to.
6. Most people - even beautiful/hot/sexy/etc people - do not turn me on. They actually provide no stimulation and are very boring to me. Also I feel insulted when they pretend they like me and expect me to believe them.
7. I don't own a hat.
8. I think people that say “my mind is made up and cannot be changed” are beyond ignorant - that’s complete stupidity.
9. I have no tolerance for people, especially women, that can't take a compliment.
10. I live my life with my cards facing the opposite direction so everyone at the table can see them. If they can see my cards then it allows them to make fair decisions concerning me. If you know my motives, then life is much simpler for both of us. Also if this causes me to miss out on something, then its for the best because it would have been something acquired under false pretenses.
11. I didn’t have sex until my first husband. I wanted to save something sacred for the man I was going to spend the rest of my life with. (If you are reading this and are doing the same thing, don’t. It’s dumb -have lots of sex with random people before you are married.)
12. Speaking of sex, I know that I have a physical, mental and emotional understanding of the act that most do not. I think that's why I can discuss it without blushing.
13. I like to think I am fair at all times, even when I deserve to not be.
14. I might sound like an a-hole in my blogs, but I am probably the nicest person you will ever meet. I just don’t put up with crap from anyone. I’m firm with my boundaries and always speak my mind in a straight to the point kind of way.
15. I think suppression is the root of unhappiness. I don’t put myself in situations where I have to suppress how I feel. I don’t like who I am when I do that.
16. I was married from 17 to 20 to a man that does not possess the ability to be happy in any area of his life. It just took me 3 years to figure that out.
17. I am very self aware. I spend time studying myself on a regular basis - keeping myself in check. I understand why I think the way I do and why I make the decisions I make.
18. I try to stay in a state of happiness and I refuse to let anyone else impact that.
19. I have 1 sister, who is my complete and utter opposite.
20. I thrive on and require passion with any area of my life. This is sometimes a great quality, however sometimes makes it hard for me to be satisfied with anything but excellence.
21. I love how a man looks in a button up shirt and usually expect Mike to wear one when we go out. (PS. I communicate this expectation. I don’t expect it and then get disappointed when he doesn’t magically know that’s what I want. Sound familiar?)
22. I don't believe in giving anyone I have dated more than 40% effort. The other 60% should be reserved for whatever person you end up with.
23. When I was in second grade I read an entire 26-book set of encyclopedias for "fun." This is probably why boys only wanted to be friends with me.
24. I am addicted to random acts of kindness, whether monetary or acts of service.
25. I like my steak rare. Very rare.
26. I haven’t stolen anything since I was 7. I stole a bottle of fingernail polish from the local drugstore, WITH money in my pocket. And I cried when I got home because I felt guilty.
27. I think people that fight on a regular basis are embarrassing. Once you get past 17 you should use your mind to resolve disputes and fists as a last resort.
28. I challenge everyone I meet. If they can’t handle it then I don’t become friends with them. I’m not going to become friends with someone that expects me to bite my tongue on their bullshit. It’s simple.
29. I am a romantic but I rarely show it.
30. I think the single sexiest thing a man can do it write. Period.
31. Find one person that says I won’t give them the shirt off my back and I will be shocked.
32. Fate is bullshit. I am going to put 27 purple sheep in the back of a Uhaul and drive it off a bridge while singing nursery rhymes. Did someone put that in the plan 4,000 years ago? Uhm no.
33. If I had to live on a budget I would be homeless.
34. Sometimes I am too overconfident in my opinions and don’t listen to other people’s thoughts. This is something I struggle with daily, but realize it and TRY to work on it as well.
35. I don’t remember ever seriously making fun of anyone.
36. I am a woman and believe in gender roles. I don't pay for things. I think the man should take care of things. I follow with input, that’s how it works. That’s my job. I'd much rather be barefoot and baking an apply pie when you come home from work.
37. I love Ritz Toasted Crackers - but I forget to buy them.
38. I wear cute panties AND grannies! Not at the same time of course. But I know when to wear each.
39. I love my running shoes. They make all the difference in the comfort of my day.
40. A man that can communicate clearly is more attractive to me than a man with a perfect body. I will trade 15 pounds for rational conversation and thinking any day.
41. Everyone starts out with a clean slate with me - that is until you blow it. Then, no matter how much it hurts, I WILL cut you off.
42. My feelings are hurt VERY easily. But you will never know when you do it.
43. My best friends are 5 of the most fabulous people in the world. They've all came into my life within the past 5 years, yet know me better than anyone. They know my WORST and BEST secrets.
44. My favorite man movie is "300." My favorite girl movie is "Runaway Bride." My all time fav movies are "Pulp Fiction, The Kill Bills, The Notebook, and Tombstone."
45. I have an uncanny ability to make people feel comfortable and open around me.
46. Soul mate’s aren’t real. If you think that there is one person born on this earth specifically to be with you please email me so I can pry the Hallmark rewards card from your hands.
47. My favorite mixed drink is Malibu & Diet (mixed 80/20).
48. I don’t like sleeping in, but I do it often thanks to my work schedule.
49. I love to cook. It’s hands down my favorite thing to do. But not the dishes.
50. My favorite question is why. I ask myself why daily and ask others why just as much. Why will change surface level conversation to stimulating conversation. Ask why until it makes logical proof, all the way down to the root. It’s a good exercise.
51. I love women. I love the way they smell, feel, sound, look, breathe, laugh, talk, smile, blink, walk, run, sleep, drink, eat, cough, sneeze, everything about them. BUT I am not a lesbian. I just think we're way more enticing than a man.
52. The man I love the most is my Daddy.
53. I am burned out on going out.
54. How people interpret or perceive what you believe or the decisions you make is not your problem. That shouldn’t play into what is right or wrong for you. You have to be considerate to the ones you love, but should always do what you feel is right.
55. I miss about 3 people who are alive but no longer in my life. Don't get me wrong. There's a reason they're no longer in it - but they brought alot to the table while they were.
56. I am a very competitive person; especially when it’s with myself and my expectations of myself.
57. When I fall in love, it is hard. I hate falling AND heights.
58. I think the only way to grow is to be uncomfortable for a certain period of time while you break out of your comfort zones.
59. One of my top 5 talents is making a good first impression with a person (unless of course they read this blog beforehand - then I’m screwed).
60. Being uncomfortable is a feeling I rarely ever get, unless I am doing something that I know isn’t right.
61. I am not intimidated by people physically bigger or stronger than me.
62. I have compassion for anyone who in the middle of a spouse leaving. Extreme compassion, even strangers.
63. I can easily meet and get close to strangers.
64. There is nothing I hate more than people questioning my motives.
65. I don’t believe in snooping. It can’t lead to anything positive.
66. You only get to live once and it’s pretty short so I don’t like missing out on any opportunities in life.
67. I don’t judge people for being or thinking different than me. But that doesn't mean I'm changing my mind.
68. I don’t remember the last time I let someone know they got the best of me. It's my talent.
69. I can be very insensitive at times, but typically its justified. However the few times that it isn’t justified is very unfair to the other person, and I’m working on it.
70. My favorite wine is Hatteras Red, room temperature.
71. My favorite city is Wilmington. Cut it and it will bleed culture, booze, sex and good food.
72. My favorite dessert is good Cheesecake. No fruit topping, I want to enjoy every single ounce of fluffy cheesy perfection without any taste bud distractions.
73. When I was 6 I scored in the top 6 percentile of national IQ tests. I could finish English tests in less than 5 minutes - the same ones that took my classmates 30 minutes to finish.
74. I didn't graduate high school. I was taking all Advanced Placement classes and QUIT. To get married. Ah the things we do for love. I didn’t get to walk with my class at graduation and that hurts to this day.
75. When I find a pair of shoes that fit perfect and I like the way they look, I do a happy dance in the middle of the store.
76. I am just now starting to realize how fantastic "good jeans" are.
77. I have yet to meet a person that will take me at face value and not underestimate me. It would make life so much easier if they did.

Saturday, June 27, 2009

Enough Already

Okay, I've had a crazy night at work, so pardon me for this rant. I work with some crazy people. This is for you chick - even though I love you. You wanted my advise, so here goes...

Did your boyfriend/girlfriend just split up with you?
Are you finally dumping that son of a biscuit eater, who always makes you cry?
Is it time (been time) to get the hello out of a realtionship?

But wait! You can't handle it. You are going to sit around and cry and boohoo because you LOVEEEE him/her. Well shut up and do me a favor.

Here is the very first step in healing from a broken heart.

GET BACK TO YOU! IT'S ALL ABOUT YOU AGAIN! Wait. Let me say this one more time. IT IS YOU YOU YOU that is the main concern now. First. I want you to sit your stupid self down and write a list. Two lists actually. On one side of the paper I want you to write down all the good things of the relationship. The other write down all the bad. Now look at it.

The good should be much longer than the bad.. if its not...that is Step One to realize...this relationship was more like a bad friendship. With on occasional sex. Second.

Give yourself 3 days to just cry about it. And please. Don't involve your friends. They don't really want to hear it. I mean seriously. They knew this was coming. EVERYONE knew this was coming. If you want to trash him...get a picture...and stab the hello out of it. Take your frustations out on the portrait. Not out on your friends.

Yes, you can call the one friend and vent. I am not saying don't talk to your friends about it, but dont make that the only topic of conversation. It gets old and it gets old quick. You know I am right. How many times have you had a friend cry on your shoulder and all you could think was... "Damn this chick needs to get over this mess and QUICK!

Yes I have been the friend that has cried, bitched and moaned about losing my realtionship. Looking back I know what a fool I was and how annoying it was to my friends. They just want to have a good time in life. They want YOU to have a good time. So give them a quick spill what went down and move on. After you had your 3 day bawl-baby session, its time to dry it up sister...

First you call one of your good friends, that you hopefully didn't annoy the hell out of with your moping to them.. and you say. "Listen girl, me and you are GOING OUT" Make a date with your friend! Then once that is set..I want you to look in the mirror. And tell that cry baby LOSER needing that @sshole GOODBYE...

You go get your hair dyed. Whatever. CHANGE YOUR LOOK! Oh you are broke? Well go to the Hair by Taneisha. Just change it up! Go get a new outfit! Something a little more revealing than usual. Now if you are a big boy or girl.. simmer down there.. you dont want everything hanging out. But dress in something new and cute!! Still broke? Go to the damn Thrift store if you have too. Just get something new.

Men and woman..both.. get a manicure. Have your nails looking nice. Go to a tanning bed.. Even if your @ss is scared of the cancer. Just 5 minutes in there will give you the world of color. After you got all this done.. You go home...get ready...and once you are looking your best.. and oh so FAB...Just stand there and look at yourself in the mirror. Admire the NEW you. The free you. The you that is gonna be YOU again.

While your looking at yourself, promise yourself one thing for that night. Promise yourself that you this evening is free of all worries. Free of all past. Free of anything standing in your way of moving on. Allow yourself just ONE night of that. You can cry again tomorrow. Now go out with your friend and have a great time. Just remember. You promised yourself that one night for just you. Remember.. You can go back to your pitiful pitty party tomorrow.


Then the next day. When you are sad again, I want you to think back to your night. How great you looked. How good you felt. How much fun you had. And that should be enough to let you know that you will make it.

You will survive.
You will move on.
YES you are going to be alright.


Friday, June 26, 2009

Three, Count Them Three

favorite quotes of the day...and working a night like tonight, they both mean so much. I can't wait until the beach tomorrow!

The only people who find what they are looking for in life are the fault finders.
- Foster's Law
He who hesitates is not only lost, but miles from the next exit.
- Unknown
A bore is a man who, when you ask him how he is, tells you.
- Bert Leston Taylor

Wednesday, June 24, 2009

Ok, so I'm in love AGAIN.

I just found the cutest charm in the whole wide world!
I so <3


My Horoscope for well, interesting to say the least.

It's really not as complicated as it seems. You are willing to work as hard and long as anyone else, but you need to be acknowledged for your contribution. Unfortunately, prior circumstances could make it more difficult for others to convince you of your value, even if they say all the right words. Try not to let old emotional hurts get in the way of any praise that now comes your way.

I Really Want...

a SmartBrain Pedometer! I know, how gross is that?!?

In all honesty, I know I don't need a pedometer, but I'm completely obsessed with getting one of these. I have an online running buddy who has one, and the program is comes with is really cool.

Now if I could only find one UNDER 100.00....when is my birthday again???!!!

I just finished watching "Running on the Sun: The Badwater 135" here at work.
Is about 40 runenrs that compete in Badwter. It documents them as they run 135 miles through Death Valley in July. That's a starting elevation of almost 300 feet below sea level and a maximum elevation on the route of about 8,000 feet above, all through temperatures that get as high as 120F. It is one kick butt movie, and totally puts my measly miles in perspective!

I don't think I'll ever complain after running again.

Tuesday, June 23, 2009

For the Long Haul

For a long time, I thought that running was all about changing my body, or rather getting rid of most of it.
But now, after years of yoyo-ing between exercise and well, NOT exercising, I've finally realized that it involves more than taming a wobbly rear end. That's why I'm a runner. Even though I didn't start out as one. I began exercising when I was a teenager. I joined a small aerobics club, but I never had any noble intentions. I just wanted to wear a size 5. So I threw on an old T-shirt and some cut-off sweats, swept my hair up into a ponytail, and started working out.
Every day in class, my arms & legs shook, while the skinny girls bounced around like cheerleaders in perfect unison. The music blasted so loudly off the mirrored walls that I couldn't hear myself think. Nor did I want to. I just wanted to fit into my jeans.
A year later, I was thinner and more muscular. I had reached my goal. But I felt that something was missing. While my body was in better shape, my mind wasn't. Had I become so shallow that I was only concerned with my figure?
I tried running for the first time while in high school. It has been perfect. It gave me the aerobic workout I needed, plus something equally as important: time alone. Life is hectic. Running gives me a brief but blessed escape. I finish each workout calmer and happier.
Part of Trudy, deep down inside whispers "You're crazy," each time I lace up my running shoes. Of course, I don't listen to her. I've gained so much more by listening to my true self, and learning to relish the many delights of a run.
I've noticed how my body slowly warms in the cool air, starting with my toes and ending at my fingertips. I'm beginning to enjoy the drizzly days when my feet pound the wet pavement in rhythmic taps, and the mist wets my hair. I see the world around you in a whole new way.
Running has showed me how to take my time, and feel the world. There have been times, even recently, when I've hit a lull and lost the motivation/drive to run. But it didn't take long for the frustrations to mount. I need the escape, so once again I turn to running.
This time I'm determined to soothe my spirit and toughen up sagging leg muscles. Today, I run on a treadmill in the hustle of a gym, although I'm calmed by my music on my iPod, and I often turn reflective again, just as I did in my earlier years of running. During workouts, I savor the small pleasures of life. As my feet slap against the treadmill's rubber belt, I sometimes think about the high school girl I was, and the woman I am becoming. And I realize my destination doesn't really matter at all.
Each run is its own reward. I've become a runner again, steadfast and serene.

I Have Fell in Love...

with that is!

I've been a member of Runner's World for a few months now, and although I love their articles,
I haven't been to impressed with the events listed. I have to attribute this to people simply not submitting them from my area, I guess.

Regardless, I have stubbled upon while registering for a couple of upcoming races, and am really enjoying it! I'm filling out vacation slips as we speak, because of course any race I want to is on a weekend I'm scheduled to work! Figures, huh?

Monday, June 22, 2009


Lately I've given a lot of thought to change and commitment...

Everyone changes!

We're all growing, learning, developing, evolving, becoming, CHANGING! Some say change isn't a good thing. I wonder why? Change to me means good/better things. Of course I am forever the optimist. We come into this life and instantly begin to change. Most people continue to do so until they have passed on...When one comes into a relationship the other person is at their core who they are. However they will not remain who u know at that time, they will change! You will change! Deciding to commit and stay within that relationship one should know they are commiting also to change...

I think commitment is often made without one knowing exactly what that entails... Commitment as a whole means;, to promise, to pledge, to involve. To involve one participates, includes, and is affected by... Hence when making a commitment one is accepting change will come, if u follow the meaning... Then when their partner inevitably changes they may suddenly say "I don't know who u are anymore" or "we've grown apart."

I say BS to that! If one is truly commited they accept there will be change, they roll with the changes, they grow and change themselves.

One should go into a relationship without expectations and with the knowledge that one is always changing. I think Love is a choice and a challenge! It's a choice in many ways & when commiting to a relationship we should also realize there will be times we're not really feeling the love. Does that mean it no longer exist?

To that I say NO!

We become so involved with every area of our lives; jobs, kids, friends, myspace, etc. We stretch ourselves thin and sometimes we forget what it was about this person, sharing your life with you, that you did fall in love with and then commited too.

We take them for granted or worse still become indifferent to their needs, desires, dreams... It is then you must make the choice to reconnect, to love, to stay commited. Learning to think of your partner first, share something they enjoy, learn how they've grown and changed, and most importantly remain commited, loyal, devoted, and involved!

Lust is not a choice, it's a reaction, not an emotion. It's more often then not fleeting. Sometimes it is mistaken for love and then when it begins to fade and there isn't any love there to remain commited to one knows they must move on because deep down inside of each of us is the longing for love and commitment. If one is lucky in love then one will also have lust for their parter. The key is to keep that lust alive while the love continues to grow, while you and he/she continue to change.

Why Don't You Jump?

Before I begin my tirade of the day, I'd like to just say I do not feel this way about all my exes, I am not just talking about just MY exes and this is not limited to heterosexual relationships. Also, if you know someone who is truly suicidal, send the cops to their house and that's all you should do.

GUILT TRIPS: They can't believe the cold way you broke up with them whether it was a letter or whatever. Except for the people who are truly callous aholes, they probably broke up with you that way to avoid your drama. They are not required to put up with your melodramamtic break up scene because they were probably putting up with it a lot before and are sick of it, so you should suck it up and STFU.

SUICIDE THREATS: Picking up guns and putting them to different parts of your body are not going to endear us and make us reconsider. Depending how difficult the relationship was, they are probably halfway wishing you'd do it. Hey, don't shoot the messenger.

DRUNK DIALING: Unless the person you were dating is a total idiot, they are not going to find this charming. In fact, they will at least change their number and probably tell all their friends what a pathetic loser you are. If I were you, I'd consider this behavior suspect of an addiction and find an AA meeting.

DELUSIONAL THINKING: Apparently by breaking up, this person is giving you the message that they don't want to be with you. Do not show up at their house late and night with a cool hat on and try to kiss them. While the hat may be cool to some people, it is not going to disguise the fact that you are some sort of mistake to that person and your stupidity is really pissing them off.

CRYING: Keep that to yourself or I'll give you something to cry about.

ASKING AROUND: Do not ask everybody, including this person's friends and family members how this person is, where they live, work or to pass on a compliment. If you wanna know that bad, have the guts to ask them and let them not answer.

THE ONE NIGHT STAND: This person intended to hit it and quit it. Don't show up at their house pathetically like you really had something together. Go find somebody else. Really.

STARING: For those of you socially retarded people, staring at someone who broke up with you (in all likeliness because they finally wisened up) is going to make them uncomfortable. STALKER.

ACCUSING THEM OF CHEATING: You probably suck in bed, but that doesn't mean they were cheating on you. Certainly they are willing to knaw off their own arm just to get away from you to see somebody new....or not. Just saying. Their desire to be away from you has nothing whatsoever to do with character and fidelity.

SLANDERING: It's just a bad idea in the grand scheme of life. Everyone who knows them knows you're a bitter reject and that stuff is probably not true. Oh, and they may say something equally bad about you and everyone will KNOW that's true.

All this works on women and men who don't have any sense, but not, say, ME for example. So if I see you out on a ledge somewhere, I may be thinking let it happen JUST THIS ONCE, until, of course, I'm not paying attention...

Sunday, June 21, 2009


"The definition of insanity is repeating the same things in life over and over again, and expecting a different outcome." - Anonymous

Awareness need not breed gloom or doom. You have to be conscious of how you act. This principle is about discovering the patterns that underline the areas in your life that you find less satisfying. You cannot change what you are not aware or, or what you are not willing to accept.
Although something may seem like the right thing to do, it may not be the right thing for you.

When you notice a wrenching knot in your stomach, it usually means somethings not right. Working through this step can begin to transform your life, but only if you have the courage to dig deeper and dare to change what you are used to doing.

In order to break a pattern, you must find new ways of looking at the same problem.

People are what they choose to be. And they are where they choose to be.

Holding others responsible from your failures or successes plants you on the road to helplessness. You can't change other people, you can only change yourself and the way you relate or respond to people.

The Next Book I'm Reading...

Secret Life of Bees

Plot description: A 14-year-old girl tries to escape the death of her mother and a troubled relationship with her father by running away to a small southern town with her nanny. There, she finds comfort in three beekeeping sisters.

When it filmed here: January – February 2008

Notable cast and crew: Dakota Fanning, Paul Bettany, Hilarie Burton, Queen Latifah, Jennifer Hudson, Alicia Keys

On location: Lumberton, Watha and Wilmington

Did you know? Based on the book of the same name by Sue Monk Kidd.
"When I was a little girl, my mama used to lock me in the attic when I was bad, which was pretty often. And I would- I would pretend I was a princess... trapped in a tower by a wicked queen. And then suddenly this knight... on a white horse with these colors flying would come charging up and draw his sword. And I would wave. And he would climb up the tower and rescue me. But never in all the time... that I had this dream did the knight say to me, "Come on, baby, I'll put you up in a great condo." - Vivian

Friday, June 19, 2009

I'm in Love

I'm totally in love with Runner's World's Daily Kick in the Butt!

You can sign up for motivating, inspirational quotes to be emailed to you daily.
So far NONE have been overly cheesy - and have been a big help, even though I've
totally slipped this week.

Oh well - back to it Monday!!!

"You could go in any direction, fast or slow as you wanted, seeking out new sights just on the strength of your own feet and the courage of your lungs." - Jesse Owens, Winner of 4 Olympic Gold Medals in the 1936 Summer Olympics in Berlin

Wednesday, June 17, 2009

It Is What It Is...

Since starting this blog I've had several people email me asking me what on earth made me think the way I do.

Ok, if you want to know what I am thinking today, here it is.

We had everything.
We had the never ending love affair.
We had exactly what we wanted.
We had an understanding of each others needs and knew exactly how important meeting those were and we were good at it too.
We had communication without the fear of consequence.

We could have had date nights factored into our future budget.
We could have had a play room with a stripper pole, with a locked door in our future house plans.
We could have had fun sitting on the floor or looking at the wall.
We could have still breathed heavy when we kissed.
We could have still got butterflies before dates.
We could have solved any problem.
We could have understood and forgave anything.
We could have been rockstars out of the house and the brady bunch inside the house.

We defined the word balance.

You finally found the woman that could embrace and thrive on who you REALLY are. I finally found the man who could handle who I REALLY am. Not only just handle, but perfectly compliment each other. If we both had written down exactly what we wanted on a piece of paper and turned them over at the same time they would match, line by line, word by word.

We were untouchable.

I’ll never forgive you for screwing that up.
I'll never forgive you for being selfish.
I'll never forgive you for underestimating me - the lengths I would go for you - the levels of patience I had for you - the level of sacrifice I was dying to make - the levels of fair compromise I was dying to meet you on - the forgiveness I had that came from adoring you.
I’ll never forgive you for me not being able to build that playhouse under the tree.
I’ll never forgive you for no breakfast in bed.
I’ll never forgive you for no all night red bull/vodka bedroom parties.
I’ll never forgive you for no bed time stories and tucking in.
I’ll never forgive you for no helping with homework.
I’ll never forgive you for no mini gardens.
I’ll never forgive you for no lemonade stands.
I’ll never forgive you for no picking out shoes and dresses for our dates.
I’ll never forgive you for no sex that never stopped being like the first time.
I’ll never forgive you for no ridiculous public displays of affection.
I’ll never forgive you for no puppy chow.
I’ll never forgive you for no parking lot photo shoots.
I’ll never forgive you for no family dinners.
I’ll never forgive you for no pick up sticks, hair bows, toenail painting, hair brushing, shoe tying, drink opening, bike riding, dance recitals, hamster catching, pool trips, question answering, puppy prints.
I’ll never forgive you for no sweet notes, hand kissing, gifts, meal cooking, late night 12 packs on the porch, paw prints, door openings when I had a dress on, shoe surprises, very infrequent flowers, very frequent gestures of adoration.

I’ll never forgive you for no more me being there for you.

Where? There. Everytime you needed me, where ever that might be.

I’ll never forgive you for not letting me give you the world, because it’s all I have ever wanted since the day I met you.

PS I dont want any comments. You asked what was on my mind. Well here it is.

Whipped or Buttercream?

"I just don't understand, we use to talk all the time, see each other 3 or 4 times a week. Now he just calls once a week, I know it's because he is just busy because when we talk he is sweet to me and tells me he I'm his princess. When we have sex its great and I can tell he is really into me. I am sooo ready for us to get married and be together!! He is my Noah!"


"We only see each other twice a week, it's the perfect relationship, we both have our space. But, sometimes when I need him he isn't available or doesn't answer his phone, I'm sure its just bad cell coverage. I think over time, once he stops being scared of a relationship that will get better. Because I know he is taking it slow so that we end up together, it's going to be perfect!"


"He only calls when he wants to come over or me come to his house and have sex, when we are together its amazing, I just wish we could do other things like go on dates and hang out more. I guess that will come the more we get to know each other."

Uhm… No it wont, ever. Why? Because you let him. Let him what?
Have his cake and eat it too…

Its every mans dream and guess who is the boss when it comes to allowing the cake having and eating? You. The woman. If you let him, he will. Yes even your man who kisses you in the rain and tells you that your eyes are like little moons of love.

Men are pros at having their cake and eating it too. They know everything to say, every twist, every approach possible to stay in a state of having a full belly and a fresh slice of cake on their plate.
Why? Because women let them.

Some women are ok with it, some are hoping it turns into more, but trust me, like he said from date number 1, it won't. You know the deal, however you allow him to only see you every so often and never commit. That doesn't make him an @sshole, that makes you dumb.
Women, wise up. If you let him treat you like a whore then he will.

If you let him treat you like Thursday girl, he will.
If you let him spend time with you purely at his convenience, he will.
If you let him ignore you, then he will.
If you let him get away with you paying every time, then he will.
If you let him get away with never taking you out, then he will.

Yes, even your guy, the one that is going to be "the one guy that proves to you all guys aren't the same".
All that is fine, as long as you aren't thinking "he's going to come around and commit any day now, I can feel it…"
If you want to be treated like a princess then act that way. Demand it, If he can't or won't then next in line please.
It's funny. In our society today all women are scared to make a man commit or talk about relationships because they fear they will run him off. It's the biggest taboo that any woman can do; ask "Where is this going?"

However, that is insane. That's a perfectly legitimate question. If that scares him then so what? It's not going to work anyway, move on, find someone new. Of course don't ask it a week after you meet him; but at some point you need to know if he is even available for a commitment.

If not, you will be cake, I promise you.

Some of you have icing on you as you read this. Of course you are the same ones reading and saying "Its different for me and my Bobby. He is just stressed from work. That's why he doesn't call very much, or when he's home he's not REALLY THERE. He loves me SO much. Four days ago he told me so. We are soul mates."

No, no you aren't. You are his whore. Sorry to break it to you.

What was that you say? You don't want to find someone new because you feel so good when you are with him and he treats you so good? Well of course he does, he only has to see you twice a week.
Don't get me wrong, some women are ok with this arrangement and there is nothing wrong with that. Lots of women just want a guy to see every so often, show them a good time, company and toe curling orgasms and then move on. That is perfectly respectful and ok. However if you want more than this but continue to let him only give you this, then you are enabling it.

Again, it doesn't make him an @sshole, it makes him a man.

Put your foot down and say: "Enough is enoug. We have had enough time to find out if we like each other, if we are compatible, if we mesh. I need you to get in this with me. I need you to be there for me when I need you. I need a full time partner in this, not you to keep checking in and out when its convenient for you. Now either we are gonna do this or we aren't."

If he can't respect that then he isn't a man. Of course he might tell you to take a walk but at least you and your emotions/feelings aren't dangling from a string anymore.

Before you have that conversation you better be ready for the consequences though. If you take a stand, he says take a walk and you text him 2 nights later at 11pm asking him how he is doing and that you miss him then you will be the butt of him and his friends jokes the next day at lunch.

The moral of this blog is that you are in control of how you are treated, you set the rules, you set the boundaries; don't leave them up to anyone else. That applies to any area your life, YOU dictate how you are treated.

He's Just Not That Into You

There are women out there that just don't understand...not all men want to be with them, no matter how good they may look. But for some reason, most of these same men would rather settle for fooling them into thinking there's a future of a relationship, instead of telling them flat out, "I'm not really interested in you past the bedroom portion."
Yes. Men and women both, explore other options they once passed up when they're turned down by what they really want.
It's sad. It's wrong. But it happens. People have a natural urge, and yearning to be with someone. To be held, to be inspired, to be listened to. To ignore these urges is insane. But the whole "If you can't be with the one you love, love the one you're with" thing is just HORRIBLE. It teaches people to settle. It teaches people to sideline ones that pine after you until all other options are exhausted. You see it all the time. Don't hear from someone in a while after you've told them how much you want them, how much you need them...but after a few weeks...maybe even months, they're all in your face? You're one of those fallbacks (I call them fallbacks). People need to stop treating love interests like back-up plans. Geezus.
I'm sorry - call it cheesy. But you can't get butterflies back once they've flown.

Yay Me!

I off to the beach to do the beach-bum-thing tomorrow! I'm super happy I'm going down to Carolina Beach! RAIN OR SHINE! Thank goodness. I need a break, and I couldn't think of a better way to enjoy my three days off than to spend a day relaxing on the beach with Nicholas Sparks...

Monday, June 15, 2009


Nicholas Sparks was on his high school track team - and still loves to run...I find that very eerie...


"Dreams are always crushing when they don't come true. But it's the simple dreams that are so often painful because they seem so personal, so reasonable, so attainable. You're always close enough to touch, but never quite close enough to hold, and it's enough to break your heart."

- "Three Weeks With My Brother, Nicholas Sparks

Love as Deep as the BS I'm Eating

I hear it all the time. After a breakup, someone is sure that person is the most incredible person who will ever cross her path. No one else will be like him. He was the squeeze in her cheese. The yin to her yang. The ping to her pong. Yeah yeah yeah.

He was THE love of your life.

So...if that's the case, riddle me this. Why did he leave you? Yes, you heard me right. THE love of your life won't be walking out that door, I don't care what you say. Unless you are just hell on wheels to deal with, he's going to stick it out...because you have the greatest love ever.

But you don't. You know why? Because the greatest love ever doesn't involve you being a psycho and him putting up with it. Or him cheating on you or treating you badly and you dealing with it. When two people are right for each other, everything clicks into place.

Sure, you have rough spots, but you work to smooth them out...why? Because you have the greatest love of all time, that's why. They say love is blind. Well, apparently it's also deaf and stupid as all get-out. When you're in it, you tell everyone you have the greatest relationship ever. You don't tell anyone he's selfish in bed or he hogs all the covers. You don't mention how he forgot the last three special occasions and you had to buy your own birthday card.

He's just the greatest.

Until he leaves you. You hope once he leaves you, you face these awful truths about him. Because if you don't, you're headed down a path everyone hates to see someone go down. It's the, "Oh-my-god-I'll-never-find-a-man-as-wonderful-as-him" pity party anyone with a friend has personally seen. They all see through it. They know he was a whack-job but what they can't tell you is...he was a whack-job because of you. YOU turned him into that. Yeah, it's not what anyone wants to hear, but it's true.

Tell me, can you look back over all your relationships and say you were exactly the same in each relationship? Aren't there some relationships where you simply were with someone who brought out the psycho in you??? People behave strangely when they know something isn't right. Your behavior rubs him the wrong way so he reacts by being grouchy. You make the conclusion he's just a grouchy person and, after the breakup, pity the next girl he dates because she's now stuck with your former grouch. Only, the next girl he dates has a completely different personality from that fits better with his. Thus, he's not really grouchy with her.

He's not cheating either. Nor is he trying to find excuses to go out with his friends and leave her at home. It's an ugly truth, but one we all have to face at one time or another. It falls under the "He's Just Not That Into You" category. But, even you can admit, when you aren't all that into someone you aren't the same person as you are when you're in love. You just aren't.

The question then remains...why do we stay with people who bring out the worst in us? How can we so easily miss the signs that this isn't the man of our dreams. That this is, in fact, Mr. All Wrong For Me. Wouldn't it be easier if love wasn't so darn blind?

Sunday, June 14, 2009

All Written Out

I don't know what to write about today. .So today I am going to share with you some random thoughts:-

The initials for July-November spell JASON...odd huh?

I used to wonder if each tree turned a specific color each fall or if they all went through a cycle. I think they all go through a cycle (yellow-orange-red-brown) because I'm looking at pics on Photobuckets and they all seem to...

Is it settling to give up on a fairy-tale romance and marry a guy who is "good enough", accepting them for who they are, or is it settling to stay single and hold on to your idea of "movie love"? (this thought was spurred from a discussion I found on Single Solitary Things, from a guest post on Rocks in my Dryer. The big bad blogging world is so interconnected and you can find some great stuff out there! I love it!)

If someone could figure out how to bottle and sell "motivation", they would make a killing! Why is it so hard to get going some days?

Oh, and so he can't say I haven't mentioned him in my Blog, I <3 David, my Favorite Salisbury TC with THE CUTEST feet! Kisses!

That's all I've got today. I hope everyone had a great weekend!

My Thoughts on His Words

Blogging everyday is not as easy as it sounds. Some days I just can't think of what I want to say. Since today is Sunday I thought today I'd devote my post to God's word. Here are the six verses I have chosen and a little background as to why they stood out to me.

"In his heart a man plans his course, but the Lord determines his steps."-Proverbs 16:9

I chose this one because sometimes it is hard to understand why things happen the way they do. I wanted to remind myself that the Lord determines my steps in life. He knows what is in my heart and He makes a way for me.

"Cast your cares on the Lord and He will sustain you; He will never let the righteous fall."-Psalm 55:22

I am a worrier. I have anxiety like nobody's business. This one was to remind me that I have somewhere to place those worries.

"...Not only so, but we also rejoice in our suffering because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character-
hope."Romans 5:3-4

This passage was to remind me that all the bad things I may go through in life are not needless. Everything I go through can help me develop to be the best person I can be.

"Do not judge, or you too will be judged."-Matthew 7:1

This last one was because lately I have been catching myself judging people sometimes. Maybe I don't agree with their actions or maybe they have a personality trait that gets on my nerves or maybe they are wearing something crazy. This verse reminds me of my biggest fear: people judging me. I'm sure it happens; it makes me self-conscious and probably doesn't help my self-esteem. I'm probably so aware of it because I do it. But maybe I shouldn't judge, but appreciate. Appreciate that everyone is on their own individual journey in life and they my not think or act or look exactly the way I want them to, but that is ok because it is their journey, not mine. Then maybe I won't be so aware or care about people judging me.

(The continuation of that verse is: "For the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you." -Matthew 7:2)

So that is where my thoughts have been lately. But I need to get some more focus on not just my thoughts, but my activities if I am going to accomplish my Before 40 list.

My Mission

Ask anyone that knows me well enough, and they'll tell you I love to solve other people's problems. I guess it comes from the excessive testosterone I sometimes have compares to other women...I don't like talking about my problems, I just want them fixed. I love to read anything self-help related, and I think there's improvement in us all.

One thing I read over and over again in all these books is the importance of having a "Personal Mission Statement." They explain that to become the person you want to be, you have to understand what you are trying to create. As much as I love to write, I've always thought this to be a cheesy exercise and have never done one myself.

The past few weeks I feel I've been losing Trudy. Actually, more like I don't know who she is. So what better time to try something new when you aren't happy with what you have? I found this great website online,, that actually helps you make your own Personal Mission Statement. I've included mine in the blog, because it explains how you should be proud of who you are and where you're going. I highly recommend trying it out!

You've discovered your mission, now let it guide you!

You now have the beginning of a mission statement built on a foundation of your values. You have more clarity into you want to be and to do in your life. You can also start to detect the values and principles upon which your life is based.

You can continue to write and revise your mission statement until you feel it reflects what you live for. Your completed Mission Statement is:

I am at my best when I feel I am in control of my life. I will try to prevent times when I feel unwanted. I will enjoy my work by finding employment where I can I really enjoy solving problems. I will find enjoyment in my personal life though I really do love being active. I will find opportunities to use my natural talents and gifts such as in decision making. I can do anything I set my mind to. I will continue my running program. My life's journey is I want to do things that make me happy, and at the same time have a balanced life of family and friends. I want to feel complete. I want to live a life I created, for me, and feel accomplished at the end of my day. I will be a person who I want to be. I want people to look on my life and feel like I was a contributor, and didn't stand by on the sidelines as the world passed. My most important future contribution to others will be to become a person who both my children can look up to and think "Mom was a really happy woman." I want to teach them not to settle in life.

I will stop procrastinating and start working on:
I need to be able to put myself first sometimes. I need to be more involved in my community and still balance my family. I want to pursue a career I will love.

I will strive to incorporate the following attributes into my life:
the courage to be who I am on the inside.
the ability to give up my comfort zone and go after the life I want.
a personality that eases not only myself, but others.

I will constantly renew myself by focusing on the two dimensions of my life:
To continue to improve myself physically
To rely on myself to make me happy, and not others.

Doing it has almost made me feel like I really do have a goal to work forward! I hope it helps you guys too!


Saturday, June 13, 2009

Training Log

I ran today, but this time outside the gym...luckily mine is located right near a nice neighborhood with paved sidewalks primed for excerise. I rain outside today, the loamy smell scaping the warm summer earth. I ran at first as a woman, slowly, slowly growing new once more.

I ran through mud puddles just off the sidewalk, the thin brew of coffee-and-milk colored water shocking the toes of my new shoes. I ran until I slipped the world away - of time, work, and hurt that I had just left minutes before.

I ran until there wasn't an inch of dryness to be found. Drenched, finally giving in, a smile spread across my face. I ran until I was a child. There were others around me there still running. Those who hadn't scurried back to their cars and their reality, replying with smiles of their own. We were all children out there, no matter what our age.

I imagined myself an old woman, twenty years or so down the road. Still running. Lacing my shoes and leaving worried and old bones at the door. Floating along in my child's stride. Slower, to be sure, but still running. Growing younger each day, if only for an hour.

Every run is a work of art, a drawing on each day's canvas. Some runs are shouts and some runs are whispers. Some runs are goodbyes and others are celebrations. When you're angry, a run can be a sharp slap in the face. When happy, a run is your song. And when your running progresses enough to become the flower through which life is viewed, motivation is almost beside the point. Rather it's running that motivates you for everything else the day holds.

You can make alot of mistakes; take the road a little sideways. For both running and love are unstoppable...It can make you whole again. Both can bring you back to being born.

The Weekend

Being only 28 years young, I listen to all sorts of music. Most people my age do. I'm on this Keith Whitley/Steve Wariner kick the past few weeks. I remember my mom singing those artists so many times while I was a little girl...
I swear I wish there was a way to link up my iPod play lists online...

Song of the Day:

Steve Wariner: You Can Dream of Me OR The Weekend (MY TWO Favorite Country Song of All Time)
Keith Whitley: Somebody's Doing Me Right

No matter what you listen to, these two songs are the epitome of love. I feel so old saying this, but people just don't know good love songs anymore. I'm such a 70s Rock, 80s Country geek!
I should be ashamed...If only life/love was as easy as those songs...

Friday, June 12, 2009

Quote of the Day

We don't always get to choose what we love.
Scott Westerfeld, The Last Days, 2006

Thursday, June 11, 2009

Shame on Spam..

So I'll just send it to everyone from here! I love reading other people's work - and I came across a great, short read this afternoon.
Just wanted to share...

Written By Regina Brett, 90 years old, of The Plain Dealer, Cleveland, Ohio - "To celebrate growing older, I once wrote the 45 lessons life taught me. It is the most-requested column I've ever written. My odometer rolled over to 90 in August, so here is the column once more:

1. Life isn't fair, but it's still good.
2. When in doubt, just take the next small step.
3. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone...
4. Your job won't take care of you when you are sick. Your friends and parents will. Stay in touch.
5. Pay off your credit cards every month.
6. You don't have to win every argument. Agree to disagree.
7. Cry with someone. It's more healing than crying alone.
8. Its OK to get angry with God. He can take it.
9. Save for retirement starting with your first pay check.
10. When it comes to chocolate, resistance is futile.
11. Make peace with your past so it won't screw up the present.
12. Its OK to let your children see you cry.
13. Don't compare your life to others. You have no idea what their journey is all about.
14. If a relationship has to be a secret, you shouldn't be in it.
15. Everything can change in the blink of an eye. But don't worry; God never blinks.
16. Take a deep breath. It calms the mind.
17. Get rid of anything that isn't useful, beautiful or joyful.
18. Whatever doesn't kill you really does make you stronger.
19. It's never too late to have a happy childhood. But the second one is up to you and no one else. 20. When it comes to going after what you love in life, don't take no for an answer.
21. Burn the candles, use the nice sheets, wear the fancy lingerie. Don't save it for a special occasion. Today is special.
22. Over prepare, then go with the flow.
23. Be eccentric now. Don't wait for old age to wear purple.
24. The most important sex organ is the brain.
25. No one is in charge of your happiness but you.
26. Frame every so-called disaster with these words 'In five years, will this matter?'
27. Always choose life.
28. Forgive everyone and everything.
29. What other people think of you is none of your business.
30. Time heals almost everything. Give it time.
31. However good or bad a situation is, it will change.
32. Don't take yourself so seriously. No one else does.
33. Believe in miracles.
34. God loves you because of who God is, not because of anything you did or didn't do.
35. Don't audit life. Show up and make the most of it now.
36. Growing old beats the alternative -- dying young.
37. Your children get only one childhood.
38. All that truly matters in the end is that you loved.
39. Get outside every day. Miracles are waiting everywhere.
40. If we all threw our problems in a pile and saw everyone else's, we'd grab ours back.
41. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need.
42. The best is yet to come.
43. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.
44. Yield.
45. Life isn't tied with a bow, but it's still a gift."


As computer literate as I am about most things, iTunes has really thrown me for a look the past year. Mainly cause I never took the time to use it, and I thought it was a monoplized crock that they didn't allow you to take music from other people's iPod. But thank God for technology!
I'm now addicted thanks to the program Pod to Pc that lets you rip songs off your iPod and save them, or from other people's iPod. AND Bearshare. The single best 9.00 I spend a month.
I think I'm on like song 650 this week! Ugh!
I've been trying to comprehand how Andrea has NOT purchased this cd since shes a Rascal Flatts Addict! But for those of you needing a new tune or two - you have to download/purchase Rascal Flatts Unstoppable. I don't care that much for country music - but this cd has been the soundtrack of my life the past month or so.
Totally recommend Forever, Unstoppable, Things That Matter, Holdin On (my favorite) and Once (what'd I tell you last night Dre??)

Wednesday, June 10, 2009

10 All Time Favorite Books

Cookouts, long nights, vacations, and beach/poolside reading! I love summer. Yeah it's hot, but summer is just packed with fun activities and its also the time of the year when I fly through books. There is nothing better to pass the time laying out while reading a good book. But I don't think I have ever read the same book twice. I'm just not one of those people who can re-read a book. I already know the story and how it ends, so it is hard for me to think that I would love it as much the second time around. But if I did here are 10 books I would re-read. If you are looking for a good poolside/beach read this summer, you can't go wrong with these:

Bitter is the New Black by Jen Lancaster
Snow Flower and the Secret Fan by Lisa See
Summer Sisters by Judy Blume
Remember Me? by Sophie Kinsella
She's Come Undone by Wally Lamb
The Book of Bright Ideas by Sandra Kring
The Five People You Meet in Heaven by Mitch Albom
The Notebook by Nicholas Sparks
The Perfect Manhattan by Leanne Shear and Tracey Toomey
My Sister's Keeper by Jodi Piccoult

Song of the Day...Finally

One of my girlfriends sent out a Twittter - like she does most days, with a song lyric she's into...
and has officially made me pick my Song of the Day anyway...

I'd Rather Be With You - Joshua Radin...

It's dreamy! And actually just made me feel alot better! I love music...

Blank Posting

Okay, previous post was an old one I found from my old MySpace Blog. So technically I cheated on writing today. To be brutally honest I don't feel like writing. I don't feel like anything really. No emotion. No opinion - which may come as a suprise to some of you. Nothing.
I'm about to go to work for evening shift. I've been off for four days, and I adore my job, but
I really don't even feel like going there. Blank phone calls. Blank emails. Blank Troopers. Blank surroundings.
Terrible way to be I know. Especially when its my job to be good. And I am. I'll go in there and rock that Ant Hill with the best of them. I fill like a carbonated beverage thats been shaken.
You even have those times when you need to just vent to someone - but you can't find the right person to vent it too? Well thats my day...I'm just saying...I think I'll leave my cell phone in the car tonight. One less stressor.
I hope the rest of you are having a much better day.

If you wait to do everything until you're sure it's right, you'll probably never do much of anything.

The Guy in the Corner

My first boyfriend was a player. A total flirt, the guy had a list of girlfriends a mile long by the time he reached sixteen. We lasted a total of six weeks but during those six weeks I learned the hard way to stay far, far away from players. From that point on, I went for the quiet guys.

There are a LOT of flirts on here. But if you want to find love -- REAL love -- you have to look past all of those flirts. Look at the guy sitting over there in the corner, doing his thing, not hitting on anyone... He's the keeper. Either that, or a serial killer, but I digress.

My first SERIOUS boyfriend was the shy, quiet type. He'd never had a real girlfriend before me. In fact, throughout high school the men I tended to be attracted to were the shy, quiet type. If all the other girls wanted a guy, you could bet I didn't want him. That wasn't any fun. That's not to say all outgoing guys are players. Certainly not. It's just been my experience that the guys who have the least amount of dates are the real jewels. They're the ones who haven't paraded their junk all over town.

They're discriminating about whom they get naked with...and for me, that's a good thing. There's something disconcerting about meeting your new man's ex and finding out she's...well...not very discriminating about whom SHE gets naked with. They say when you have sex with someone, you have sex with everyone THEY've had sex with, along with everyone they've had sex with. That's a pretty crowded bed. And if Little Miss Skank and her four sisters have had a go at your guy, do you really want him?

The quiet guy GENERALLY hasn't had a lot of sex partners. He's discriminating about whom he sleeps with but mostly, he just doesn't get the opportunity the more outgoing guys do. He might be the most handsome man on the planet but he doesn't approach women. He doesn't hit on them. He's sure they wouldn't be interested in him anyway. So YOU have to go get HIM. Which sucks but it's well worth it. Some might say these guys are nerds, and maybe they were in high school. But Bill Gates was a nerd. Stephen King was a nerd. Nerd is another word for "guy who will one day rule the world."

Don't you think all those women who passed over Bill Gates in high school are kicking themselves now? Okay, maybe not. I mean, can be quiet but it also would help if you looked a little like Johnny Depp...

But even if you don't, a little silence goes a long way.

No one wants dark, brooding, and weird. Just a normal, stable, well-adjusted guy who doesn't walk up to women in bars to say inane things like, "Baby, do you believe in love at first sight or should I walk by again?"

So, ladies, if you're looking for Mr. Right, look past all the guys who are surrounding you and leering at you. Look to the guy who is hanging back, staying to himself. HE'S the real keeper.

Tuesday, June 9, 2009

It Really Is...

raining...And I just finished downloading songs for my iPod...I searched and searched and finally found "On the Coast of Somewhere Beautiful." It's no "Something Sexy About the Rain." But its' the next best thing...

Oh, and I just heard thunder..Night yawl!

Tuesday Trouble

I'm not ya girl, I'm just a soul...

What happens when love gets old, grows cold, then disappears? Seems like it all happens in a flash, one moment u and yours are lying in bed staring into each others eyes and laughing at each others' dumbass jokes, next minute their sending their boyfriend/husband/whatever hate mail on thier cell phone and flipping out in restaurants while the customers watch....

the hell? I am NOT your typical woman, and honestly most women get on my nerves. They do nothing but give us select few a bad name. Women have a way of showing their emotional hatred and trying to exact vengeance for being "wronged" in the most insidious ways--odious? Noxious? Toxic? Dangerous? Hateful? Poisonous? Venomous? These are all adjectives I think are pretty good to describe the behaviours and emotions and actions of women who think they've been wronged in any way......

What's odd, or what strikes me as odd, is how impossible or difficult it is for a woman to EVER admit to anything she might have done to contribute to the downfall of a relationship. Men do all kinds of things wrong; they ignore their women, they talk badly to them, they "cheat" on them--(I put that in quotes because anybody who know me any at all knows I don't quite buy into the whole philosophy of "cheating". To put it short and sweet, people are animals and as animals we are ruled mostly by our biological needs and ticks and quirks and one of those needs is to have sex with people, 'nuff said. Read into that what u might...)

Yeah. Anyways, when a woman feels slighted she can suddenly become the most cold, the most obnoxious, the most stupid, the most vile, the most insulting, the most hateful person u have ever come across, and this could very well be the woman who just last week u were snuggling up to outside the damn Dairy Queen...

the hell? Why do most have this ability to absolutely FORGET any and everything a man might have done GOOD in the past, while focusing on what they might have done BAD? As though that is the only thing that exists? NO. SORRY. THAT'S NOT TRUE. HE'S NOT AN ASSHOLE. HE'S HUMAN, REMEMBER? LIKE YOU. AND AS SUCH, HE MAKE MISTAKES, LIKE YOU. AND AS SUCH, HE IS ENTITLED TO A CERTAIN AMOUNT OF RESPECT AND DECENT TREATMENT, IF FOR NO OTHER REASON OTHER THAN I DID SO MANY GREAT THINGS FOR/WITH YOU, or, wait, don't u remember? Oh, of course not, why should I expect u to remember? YOU'RE A WOMAN, right?

And therefore, your memory is SELECTIVE. What makes this situation all the more unbearable and sad is if there are children involved. Women seem to forget the well-being and mental and emotional delicate-ness of children while they are in their toxic state of mind. They make threats, say the most insulting and vile things imaginable, get stuck in moments, times, places that don't exist anymore, and conspire with the Devil to drag the man down there with them. They spend days and nights wondering how to get back at him, they grab any opportunity to hurt them, even going as far as trying to destroy your livelihood, your reputation, your circle of friends, your survival network, because they feel wronged.

What if, somehow, this woman had SOMETHING TO DO WITH HER GETTING THE SHORT END OF THE STICK? This is where most women draw a blind eye and seem to act like, pretend, or otherwise FAKE the presumption that they themselves did NOTHING WRONG---how can this be? In my lifetime I have never met another woman who has ever just come forward and said something along the lines of, "I'm sorry. I made a mistake. I was wrong. I was stupid. It was my fault. I wish I hadn't done that. I'm bad. Maybe if I hadn't done that-(or HAD done that)--u might not have done what u did. Yes, I can see how what I did or said or didn't do or didn't say might have made u go and do what u did, my fault...

"Can u imagine? A woman coming out of her mouth with any of the above? Somehow, it seems most women have empowered themselves to believe that JUST BECAUSE they are women, they can DO NO WRONG.

Seriously. Some of these women deserve to get punched in the throat. I could care less how shocked u are at that statement, as I always say right about this time, it's my blog and I write what the eff I want.

To repeat, some women deserve body blows. Well, no, not body blows, those aren't quite shocking enough, nor do they bring with them the 'sting' necessary to drive home one's point. I'm not advocating physical violence at all, i'm saying sometimes folks need to FEEL IT so they can UNDERSTAND.

Most women use their mouths in ways men never would. In ways men aren't allowed to. In ways meant to demean and demoralize men to the point where they no longer feel like men. I've said it before, a mans sex drive is like a cruel cosmic joke. Monogamy is possible, yeah, for about 2 years or so IF U ARE "LUCKY"...

THink about it ladies. Most of us at a given opportunity can really screw up a man's life. Diseases wished upon them. Children held at bay. Authorities notified. In laws told to shut them out. Looked down upon. Bank acccounts emptied. Clothes burned. Belongings thrown out into the street. Etc, etc, etc. All this is looked on as somehow "normal", as the due result of whatever transgression a man might have committed.

Again, I say if you're gonna do all that, get in the damn ring and duke it out. Play effin fair lady. Don't lie to yourself, your friends, your family, or anyone else about what they did or didn't do. Don't tie up THEIR emotions with YOURS in a place that doesn't exist anymore. Don't screw them around, cause odds are they're not screwing u around.

What I find is that most women seem to stop growing at some point, and expect their men to sort of stop growing with them. What they fail to understand is, again, as a result of that cruel thing called LIFE, men are sort of WIRED to KEEP GOING, KEEP CHASING, KEEP TRYING TO "GET" whatever the hell is out there to get, jobs, money, opportunity, women, toys, clothes, accomplishments, whatever it is..

They wake up every day wondering how in the hell they're going to GET IT. Dammit woman, don't u know, THEY WOKE UP ONE DAY WONDERING HOW IN THE HELL THEY WERE GOING TO GET YOU. What isn't obvious about that? The chase is built into them exactly like the need to pee. THEY CAN'T IGNORE IT. Well, most can't, anyway...

The thing is, most women don't get they need to GROW ALONG WITH THEM. Or, at least feign interest in their growth, or your own. This would keep so many relationships alive well past their stage of ripeness, which again, is just about 2 years, maybe 3. Is it possible to recusitate (sp?) a dead or dying relationship? I guess it's just about equally possible to recusitate a dead or dying person. Chances are about equal i'd say.

Thing is, lots of women, once the relationship begins going downhill, or they feel they've been victimized (which is about 99 percent)--they go ahead and STAB whatever is left of the corpse of the relationship, they HASTEN THE DEMISE and then wonder why their husband/boyfriend/friend start treating them EVEN WORSE and then they start in with their hateful, poisonous, venomous, dangerous behaviour, and amplify their hatred for men themselves with no help whatsoever from THE MAN.

This is the time that they FORGET all the wonderful moments, the helpful moments. The time they helped her move into her new apartment until 6am. The time he drove across the country just to spend one night close to her. The advice he gave... her career advice which led to her getting a great new job, or a raise, or whatever. The time he typed up and prepared her new resume for her. The new car/television/computer/stereo/ipod/wardrobe/microwave/trip he bought her. All the dinners he paid for. The time he nursed her back to health after she ate unclean seafood/chicken/whatever. Him cleaning her car/house/apartment. All those moments she screamed with pleasure....

None of this has any worth when a woman feels she has been wronged, and I think it' s WRONG. But who am I anyway? Whatever. I swear, it just seems on the outside looking in, that men and women just weren't quite meant to get on with each for long periods of time. Procreate, make a home for a minute, have a little fun then get the hell out before she wakes up one day spitting fire and throwing your cell phone into the coffee.


Let it go already...

Now I say this as a woman how typically despises even being around other women. They're mean, evil, and too self consious for my liking. I am who I am. I think this is why I have WAY MORE male friends than female. And I like that just fine.

I have enough problems of my own in relationships. The last thing I want to do is pray for yours.

- Truds

The Fray

Okay People! Album of the day - The Fray by The Fray! This entire album is so great I couldn't even pick a song of the day!

Monday, June 8, 2009

Truth Doesn't Make a Noise

I can hardly wait until tomorrow morning. After all the fighting, Heather will finally be able to air her story to the world. She'll be on NBC's Today Show with Matt Lauer at 0800. I can't think to finally see her get some sort of justice, not only reference her ex husband, but those who "supported" her when she needed them most.

This has been one terrible day in my book. I hate drama, and today has been nothing but 100% drama...had it not been for Eli and Margarittas I doubt I'd ever made it through. That's what I love about her.

I'm not your typical female - and I hate being treated like one...I can usually deal with it. Hello, in my job I get that alot. But when someone you really think is your friend does it, well it just changes you. I don't easily trust people. It's my favorite saying. People always leave. Ever since Peyton said it, it just fit.

E.E. Cummings once wrote; 'To be nobody-but-yourself - in a world which is doing its best, night and day, to make you everybody else - means to fight the hardest battle which any human being can fight; and never stop fighting. Boy was that ever the truth. I don't let many people know Trudy. I remembered today why I don't.

It's Raining...

"There's something sexy about the rain,"
she said as it came pouring down...
"it feels like kisses on my skin."
She spread her arms and spun around,
in a summer island storm
in a field of sugarcane
She taught me how and showed me why
there's something sexy about the rain

And sometimes it rained all night
and everything she did was perfect
And every way we were was right
We loved like there was no tomorrow
Then suddenly tomorrow came
And it was raining at the airport
and kept on raining on the plane

She only loved me for a season
but my heart won't ever be the same
Even now her love's the reason
there's something sexy about the rain

And sometimes when it's pouring down
I feel her kisses on my skin.
I spread my arms and spin around
And let that summer island storm
hit me like a hurricane.

She followed me back to the city
in a picture in my mind
She's still young and she's still pretty
and even after all this time
there's something sexy about the rain...

Sunday, June 7, 2009


I've been so busy today, between church and arguing that I've had little time for blogging. I'm as addicted to reading other blogs as I am writing my own. People are amazing. I can only hope to be able to write at the calibur some do on here. It's wonderful to know there are sill that many people with talent still in the world...that although we type on laptops instead of typewriters.
One of my fav bloggers does the coolest thing each day - where he includes his Song of the Day. Its either what he can't get out of his head, who he's listening to, or how he feels. I love the idea - and yes, I'm stealing it!

So today I can't stop playing "Long Way to Happy" - Pink. I don't know what album it is cause I "borrowed" it from Limewire and never checked. But it's 5 Star on my iPod - and awesome to run to.

Saturday, June 6, 2009

Things That Matter

Sometimes she lets that boss get in his head
She can’t past that mountain of deadlines on her desk
5oclock she’s that last one out of the gate
And she gets cut off flipped off ticked off out on the interstate
And she wonders why this world won’t leave her alone
Till she hears that little voice “mommy’s home”
Things that matter
Things that don’t
She’s held on to that grudge all her life
And thirty years of anger
Since her dad walked out that night
She thinks of all the moments that he's missed
All the birthdays ballets first date
That seems too much to forget
She gets that call that said he don’t have long
She walks inHe starts crying
The past is gone
Things that matter
Things that don’t
Time ain’t on my side
Don’t want to leave this world
With why didn’t I?
Sometimes I take on this world by myself
Thinking I got all the answers
Don’t need anybody’s help
Well God was right there waiting for me all along
To fall down on my knees surrender all
Things that matter
Things that don't
- Rascal Flatts