Forget everything you have been taught, erase it and learn it allyourself. We are taught by a society that is full of unhappy and insecure people. Why would you listen to people that you dont want to be like? That would be like me teaching you how to grow a full beard - clearly that is something I cannot do successfully, so listening to what I teach you is insanity!
Lets start with some crap we have been taught since we were little.
Being wrong is a bad thing. Have you ever stopped and thought about that? You realize this is completely driven by pride, right? Pride is the single most blinding emotion you have. It will blind you to all kinds of great things in your life and will blind you to growing in your life. You are so focused on winning and being right that you are blinded to all other information and possibilities. Being wrong means that you learned something - how is that bad??? It means you listened to someone else or were proven wrong by someone else. You took the information you learned and now have the ability to make a better decision. Being wrong is genius!
I am constantly looking for people to prove me wrong, I love new perspectives and new information that might enable me to make better decisions. I am always accused of arguing to prove that I am right or not admitting when I am wrong. Incorrect. I argue until you can give me information that makes more logical sense than the information Ialready have. I am not wrong often because I dont make decisions based on feelings. I make them out of logic. Logic is constant, feelings are not.
So the next time you are arguing with someone about something and you know you are wrong, just stop and say, "No, your right. I'm wrong." All that means is that their information is better than yours. It doesnt THEY are better. If I argued with Micheal Vick about how hard a pitbull can bite another dog, he would have better information than me and would be right. But by no means is he a BETTER person than me. See how easy that is? Just a slight shift in approach, thats all.
If you arent happy its YOUR fault. Not your spouse's, not your job's, not your money's, not your friends who talk about you behind your back, YOU YOU YOU. This is more crap we are conditioned to think. We are taught to not be selfish, to make others happy - to do do do do do for others or BLAME others for your unhappiness. You hear your parents, friends, relatives complaining all the reasons they are unhappy. You never hear them say "I am unhappy because I allow myself to be!"
Here is the key to being happy and I didnt get this out of an Oprah book or a fortune cookie - its how I taught myself to be happy. Its how I learned how to make decisions to be happy. You must free yourself from influence and truly understand what makes you happy. Without factoring in what your parents expect you to be, what your friends expect you to be, what your spouse expects you to be. This is truly what you want/need in order to be fulfilled. Once you realize what that is then you build boundaries that ensure that happiness does not get affected. Once those boundaries are established, you let NO ONE over step them.
Lets be real clear about what NO ONE means. That means not a single person. Spouse, mom, brother, best friend...It doesnt matter. No one should be given the right to take away your happiness. If you give them that ability, that is YOUR fault for allowing it, not their fault for
We are TAUGHT this is selfish. Well guess what? The Germans were taught to hate Jews. White kids in the south are taught to hate black people. Just because you are taught something doesnt make it right! Tradition and authority are the two most dangerous reasons to EVER believe anything, but yet its what we put the most faith into. Why? Because we dont have faith in ourselves and our ability to learn for ourselves so we listen to someone else! Its not selfish at all. Its called doing what it takes to be happy, truly happy, without insecurities.
Opposite to what you believe, I am a very selfless and compromising person. Need help? I'll come help. Its raining? Oh well I'm ok with that. I want Wilmington, you want Raleigh. I'm ok with Raleigh. Need me to sitand listen to you during a tough time even though baseball is on? Ok, lets sit down and talk.
But here is where the key is.
You want me to listen to you even though you take it for granted? Sorry, not going to fly. You want me to spend 3 hours a day with you every day, which means I wont be able to do the hobbies in my life that make me happy? Sorry, no can do. You want me dress this way, instead of dressing the way I enjoy? Sorry, cant make that happen. You want to borrow money even though you have made no attempt to earn it yourself and probably wont pay me back? Sorry, cant help you. You want to come hang out with my group even though you have anger issues and might ruin it for everyone? Sorry you ARE NOT invited.
You can have stiff boundaries and still compromise. You just cant compromise the boundaries of your own happiness. Learn to tell people NO. We are taught that saying no is rude. More crap! Saying no is a part of living a happy life. There is no way you can live a happy life without saying no. Its impossible! There is no way you can live a happy life without disappointing people. Its impossible! I dont care what your grandmother told you when you were 9! Tell her I said go do what she is good at - cooking fried chicken and let me do the talking about happiness! Dont forget the mashed potatoes biotch!
We are taught to avoid confrontation. More crap! Confrontation is a necessary part of life and shouldnt be uncomfortable. How can you maintain your boundaries if you never confront anyone? Do you live ina perfect world where everyone constantly lives within your boundaries without you having to communicate them? No!
But Truds, I do have boundaries. Oh really? Sure you do, until you get a boyfriend that you are crazy about and are so excited about things working out with. Then you start to bend on those boundaries a little. We are all taught to compromise right? You start to bend just a little on the things that make you happy because its worth it - you are building something great! But guess what? Those boundaries are there for a reason. To keep you from bending even when emotion/feeling tells you to. So you bend here, bend there, start molding your boundaries around what makes someone else happy. Then what do you have? You have influence and you have lost what makes YOU happy as a person. This is not a sustainable model. If someone cannot respect your boundaries or cannot be happy with your boundaries staying in tact then find someone else!
Remember finding someone is NOT more important than being happy! More crap we are taught. In order to be happy you have to find someone that completes you, get married, have kids and live happily everafter! First off, no one can complete you, not even the kid from Jerry Mcguire or Megan Fox or Derek Jeter! You have to be a complete person in order to be happy. Then once you are happy someone can just make you happier by being your gravy.
Forget what you have been taught, erase it and learn it on your own. Sometimes the things you learn on your own will match perfectly on what you have been taught. Great. Sometimes they will be completely opposite. Even better!